Today was a really rough day for me as a working mom. I find myself jealous of those people who have a set schedule 8am to 5pm and they get to leave at 5pm every day. My job is only done once all the tasks are done for the next day, and sometimes that is 5pm sometimes it could be 6pm, 7pm or later. As a working mom who only gets to see my little dude a few hours a day during the work week this is challenging not to mention how little I see my husband these days.
I find myself wishing that I had one of those jobs that ends at 5pm no matter what, or even being one of those super cool moms who juggles a demanding job and being a great mother and seems totally happy in both places. But I have come to the conclusion I am not one of those moms. As much as I do like working and as much as I love the the field that I went into, I just like being a mom and a wife more. I get so much more satisfaction from reading Harold and the Purple Crayon over and over or chasing that little man around the house to get pants on him, or preparing dinner for my husband than I have ever gotten in a single days work.
Being a working mother and wife is an amazing struggle any one who tells you otherwise is wrong. A dear friend of mine explained it to me perfectly tonight, when I called her for some mom to mom talk. She said that when you work, you feel like a bad mother and wife, when you leave work early to take care of a kid you feel like a bad co-worker its a no win situation. When Elliot was born Ted and I made the decision not to put Elliot in day care, we wanted him to be with us as much as possible or with a family or friend when that wasn't possible. That means that Ted and I work opposite schedules which leaves the two of us with less time together.
As much as I wish every day that I was at home with Elliot and Ted, I know that's not really an option; Ted and I need both incomes to support our family. And I am grateful that I have a good job that pays well enough to cover our bills and where I really like the people I work with. I am still holding out for the day that I actually would rather go to work than stay home, or I don't spend the day wondering what Ted and Elliot are doing. I am hopeful that there will be a day that I accept being a working mother rather than constantly hoping to win the lottery so both Ted and I can stay home. I know that being away from family is something that mothers and fathers struggle with every day, but I wonder if that feeling ever fades. Is there a magic age where it gets easier to be away from your family? where you get used to seeing them less? Part of me hopes that day never comes, the other part of me ...well I'm not sure.
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