I am finding it increasingly difficult to find time to post now that I have a newborn in the house. Even though he spends a good chunk of his time sleeping some how I feel busy all the time. I feel like the little man is constantly attached to my boob eating (meaning I get lots of TV time in) and when he isn't I am snuggling with him to keep him from crying or I am making a mad dash around the house to straighten up while he sleeps. Every day I keep saying I will get out to run errands but when the little dude is wanting to eat every 2 hours it makes it kind of hard to get out and about for any worthwhile amount of time.
We have been incredibly fortunate that our little man is such a good sleeper. During the day he will only sleep for about 1 hour or so between feedings, then he loves to have snuggle time with mommy and daddy. He also just loves to stare at his mobile above his crib! At night he usually gives me about a 5 hour stretch of straight sleep!!! I never thought I would be a person who gets excited about 5 hours of sleep but trust me with a new born 5 hours is magical.
Every day I am starting to enjoy motherhood a little bit more. For the first few weeks I was really struggling with the baby blues which just made me into a basket case. I was constantly crying about something and I didn't feel like myself. The last 4 or 5 days though I have really started to feel like myself again and I have just fallen in love with being a mother. Nothing makes me happier than holding my baby, other than maybe seeing my husband snuggled up with the baby!
Every one tells you how hard becoming a parent is with the lack of sleep and the constant demands and they are right. I noticed while I was pregnant and even now that very few people tell you about the pure joy of becoming a parent, most people focused on the negative aspects of parenthood.But I have never been more happy in my life than when I am at home with my husband and my son, I am adjusting to the sleep deprivation, and I have realized that I will never have a more important job than being a wife to my husband and a mother to my son.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
where are we now?
My body is finally starting to feel good again after the c-section. It took two weeks but my incision is no longer painful every time I get up or roll over in bed. It is still a bit tender to the touch, but I suspect that will be the case for quite a while. All my swelling from the IV I got while in the hospital has also gone away which means that my clothes fit again and I can wear normal shoes. I weighed myself the other day and I lost 25 lbs already!!! Only about 7 to go to get back to my pre-baby weight (although I hope to keep losing more with the help of breastfeeding).
Just as I was starting to feel like a human again I developed an infection in one of my breasts from breastfeeding called Mastitis and holy cow is it painful. It was causing me to have a fever and chills and to feel nauseous, also a headache and body aches in addition to the swollen and painful breast (sorry tmi). After a few days of feeling that way I finally went to the doctor and am now on antibiotics and starting to feel much better. My headaches have ceased, my fever and chills are gone and I am actually able to eat again with out feelin sick!
Meanwhile, Ted developed a fever and a cold meaning that he couldn't hold the baby for fear that he might be contagious. Poor Ted was not able to help me with the baby at all for 2 days because we just couldn't risk the baby getting what he had since Elliot is only 2 weeks old. Which left almost everything to me, stressful to say the least. I became frustrated more easily because I didn't have Ted as back up with his special daddy tricks to sooth the baby and I just got burned out. But Ted is feeling much better today so I am hoping that he will be able to help me more now. I know it was killing Ted not being able to hold the baby and having to sleep in a different room than us.
My house is a complete disaster because I just don't feel like cleaning, until 2 days ago I couldn't go up and down my stairs more than once a day so that was my excuse. Now that I am feeling better I feel i should focus more on keeping my house clean, but some how i suspect that won't really happen for a while still.
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Elliot is doing great he is growing every day, and learning new things all the time. He makes the sweetest faces at me and sometimes cries just so I will hold him, which makes my heart melt and sometimes makes me frustrated. Although the last couple of weeks have been extremely challenging because I haven't felt well I know I will get better and things will get easier and my prize is my wonderful, adorable,healthy, sweet, handsome son who I love more and more every day.
Just as I was starting to feel like a human again I developed an infection in one of my breasts from breastfeeding called Mastitis and holy cow is it painful. It was causing me to have a fever and chills and to feel nauseous, also a headache and body aches in addition to the swollen and painful breast (sorry tmi). After a few days of feeling that way I finally went to the doctor and am now on antibiotics and starting to feel much better. My headaches have ceased, my fever and chills are gone and I am actually able to eat again with out feelin sick!
Meanwhile, Ted developed a fever and a cold meaning that he couldn't hold the baby for fear that he might be contagious. Poor Ted was not able to help me with the baby at all for 2 days because we just couldn't risk the baby getting what he had since Elliot is only 2 weeks old. Which left almost everything to me, stressful to say the least. I became frustrated more easily because I didn't have Ted as back up with his special daddy tricks to sooth the baby and I just got burned out. But Ted is feeling much better today so I am hoping that he will be able to help me more now. I know it was killing Ted not being able to hold the baby and having to sleep in a different room than us.
My house is a complete disaster because I just don't feel like cleaning, until 2 days ago I couldn't go up and down my stairs more than once a day so that was my excuse. Now that I am feeling better I feel i should focus more on keeping my house clean, but some how i suspect that won't really happen for a while still.
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Friday, February 3, 2012
Elliot's Birth Story
Elliot Theodore Blake Holleran was born January 29th at 3:34 am. He weighs 7 pounds 9 ounces and is 19 inches long. Ted and I could not be any happier. Elliot and I are both healthy after a long and unsuccessful induction!
I arrived at the hospital 7:30am Friday January 27th to begin my induction, at which point I was already 10 days past my due date . Going in i had high hopes that the induction would be successful, I suspected that it would be long since I had not begun to dilate in time, but successful.
Shortly after arriving my doctor gave me a dose of cytotec to help soften my cervix and begin contractions. The medication did not work very quickly fir me it was boy until the middle of the night on the 27th that I began to have regular and painful contractions. Since I figured the labor would be quite bait longer I really wanted a good nights sleep do I asked the nurse for phentanol so I could sleep.
The phentanol helped a lot and I was able to get about three hours of sleep. But to my disappointment I woke up and my contractions had stopped and I had only dilated to two centimeters in about 24 hours.
After another dose of cytotec my cervix had finally dilated enough that the doctors were able to begin pitocin to really get my labor started. That stuff really works, within afew hours I had dilated another centimeter and was having regular contractions. It was not long before I was begging for the epidural, which I received about 8 pm on the 28th.
The epidural allowed me to sleep for a few hours because I really hoped the induction round still take because getting a c section was my worst fear and I wanted to avoid if at all possible. By 1 am Ted was asleep and my mom had gone to the hotel to sleep, when the nurse checked me and I had failed to make any more progress.
Elliot was no longer tolerating the pitocin and his heart rate began to drop. Around 2am my doctor decided that a c section was the best idea and the safest way for both me and Elliot. Inimmediatly freaked out and just started balling because I was so scared. But I also knew I had to do it because it was the only way I would get to meet my son
Ted called my mom and his mom who both rushed over to the hospital. They prepped me for surgery and both Ted and my mom were able to be in the operating room with me.
The whole surgery was a big blur to me because I was under so much medication. I remember it went quickly and it wasnt long before I was in the recovery room holding my son.
Although my birth was pretty much nothing like I imagined it but both my son and I are healthy and happy! Elliot is more fun everyday and I am loving being a mother. My husband is such a wonderful father it makes me a little teary eyed when I see him holding Elliot! Life could not be better.
I arrived at the hospital 7:30am Friday January 27th to begin my induction, at which point I was already 10 days past my due date . Going in i had high hopes that the induction would be successful, I suspected that it would be long since I had not begun to dilate in time, but successful.
Shortly after arriving my doctor gave me a dose of cytotec to help soften my cervix and begin contractions. The medication did not work very quickly fir me it was boy until the middle of the night on the 27th that I began to have regular and painful contractions. Since I figured the labor would be quite bait longer I really wanted a good nights sleep do I asked the nurse for phentanol so I could sleep.
The phentanol helped a lot and I was able to get about three hours of sleep. But to my disappointment I woke up and my contractions had stopped and I had only dilated to two centimeters in about 24 hours.
After another dose of cytotec my cervix had finally dilated enough that the doctors were able to begin pitocin to really get my labor started. That stuff really works, within afew hours I had dilated another centimeter and was having regular contractions. It was not long before I was begging for the epidural, which I received about 8 pm on the 28th.
The epidural allowed me to sleep for a few hours because I really hoped the induction round still take because getting a c section was my worst fear and I wanted to avoid if at all possible. By 1 am Ted was asleep and my mom had gone to the hotel to sleep, when the nurse checked me and I had failed to make any more progress.
Elliot was no longer tolerating the pitocin and his heart rate began to drop. Around 2am my doctor decided that a c section was the best idea and the safest way for both me and Elliot. Inimmediatly freaked out and just started balling because I was so scared. But I also knew I had to do it because it was the only way I would get to meet my son
Ted called my mom and his mom who both rushed over to the hospital. They prepped me for surgery and both Ted and my mom were able to be in the operating room with me.
The whole surgery was a big blur to me because I was under so much medication. I remember it went quickly and it wasnt long before I was in the recovery room holding my son.
Although my birth was pretty much nothing like I imagined it but both my son and I are healthy and happy! Elliot is more fun everyday and I am loving being a mother. My husband is such a wonderful father it makes me a little teary eyed when I see him holding Elliot! Life could not be better.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
40 weeks 5 days
Its 6 am on a Sunday morning and I am officially 5 days past my due date. Which is very typical from what I hear for first time pregnancies but that comes as no comfort at all. As you all know I started my maternity leave 5 days ago and I am so glad I did because I have spent the last 4 days with a horrible cold. I literally didn't even leave my house or get out of my pajamas for 3 days.
Being sick really made me glad that I didn't have the baby yet, but now that I feel human again, all I want is to go into labor. A small part of me is still holding out that I will go into labor on my own but I am pretty sure that the only way this baby is coming out is if I get induced. Friends and family keep telling me there is no way to know that I will have to be induced (and I hope they are right) but its just a gut feeling. I really don't want to be induced because its just so much harder than laboring naturally and it significantly increases your chances of a c-section which is my biggest fear. I hope my pessimistic attitude is just due to impatience, and that this baby will prove me wrong!
I have family in town right now and more coming in this week to meet the baby and I am so worried that I won't even have the baby by the time my out of state family leaves. I hoping that at my doctors appointment on Tuesday that we can set a date for induction for later this week, but my doctor might just make me wait until January 31st when I reach 42 weeks before she will induce me. I really hope that doesn't happen for my own selfish reasons and also because I want my family to meet the little guy so badly. It would break their hearts and mine to have traveled all this way not to even meet the little man.
Here is to hoping that my instincts are wrong, and that labor will start naturally and soon! OK my venting is done.
Being sick really made me glad that I didn't have the baby yet, but now that I feel human again, all I want is to go into labor. A small part of me is still holding out that I will go into labor on my own but I am pretty sure that the only way this baby is coming out is if I get induced. Friends and family keep telling me there is no way to know that I will have to be induced (and I hope they are right) but its just a gut feeling. I really don't want to be induced because its just so much harder than laboring naturally and it significantly increases your chances of a c-section which is my biggest fear. I hope my pessimistic attitude is just due to impatience, and that this baby will prove me wrong!
I have family in town right now and more coming in this week to meet the baby and I am so worried that I won't even have the baby by the time my out of state family leaves. I hoping that at my doctors appointment on Tuesday that we can set a date for induction for later this week, but my doctor might just make me wait until January 31st when I reach 42 weeks before she will induce me. I really hope that doesn't happen for my own selfish reasons and also because I want my family to meet the little guy so badly. It would break their hearts and mine to have traveled all this way not to even meet the little man.
Here is to hoping that my instincts are wrong, and that labor will start naturally and soon! OK my venting is done.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Yes I am still pregnant
Yesterday was the due date and we still have no baby and surprisingly I am OK with that. If you had asked me two days ago how I felt about it I would have given you a completely different answer but today I am alright with still being pregnant. The little man is still comfortable in there for now, but if nothing has changed by my appointment next week the doctor will start discussing and induction.
I don't know if it is the fact that I could be induced next week that has put my mind at ease or if its the fact that yesterday was my last day at work. As I have mentioned many times here before work has been one of the biggest stresses for me through out my pregnancy. I love my job but man doing my job pregnant is 10 times harder than it was before pregnancy. I think every pregnant woman deserves a damn medal, I mean seriously being pregnant is the hardest thing that I have ever done let alone working through the entire pregnancy.
I have gotten really mixed opinions about when to start my maternity leave. Until last week I had planned on working until I went into labor, but over the weekend I changed my mind. A few weeks ago I cut my hours back to part time which was amazing for a few weeks but I think I have reached the end of my rope and it was time for me to start my maternity leave.
I might regret this decision later when I have a week less with the baby but I really feel like this was the best route for me (plus Ted is thrilled, its a week sooner that he gets to cut back to part time). I feel so much more relaxed and OK with still being pregnant than I did knowing I had to go to work one more day. I had to give myself a pep talk every morning to convince myself that I could make it through the day. That's just not how I wanted to spend my last few days before my son arrives.
I am going to spend my last few days before the baby arrives, relaxing, cleaning and enjoying the last few days of silence that I will ever have!
I don't know if it is the fact that I could be induced next week that has put my mind at ease or if its the fact that yesterday was my last day at work. As I have mentioned many times here before work has been one of the biggest stresses for me through out my pregnancy. I love my job but man doing my job pregnant is 10 times harder than it was before pregnancy. I think every pregnant woman deserves a damn medal, I mean seriously being pregnant is the hardest thing that I have ever done let alone working through the entire pregnancy.
I have gotten really mixed opinions about when to start my maternity leave. Until last week I had planned on working until I went into labor, but over the weekend I changed my mind. A few weeks ago I cut my hours back to part time which was amazing for a few weeks but I think I have reached the end of my rope and it was time for me to start my maternity leave.
I might regret this decision later when I have a week less with the baby but I really feel like this was the best route for me (plus Ted is thrilled, its a week sooner that he gets to cut back to part time). I feel so much more relaxed and OK with still being pregnant than I did knowing I had to go to work one more day. I had to give myself a pep talk every morning to convince myself that I could make it through the day. That's just not how I wanted to spend my last few days before my son arrives.
I am going to spend my last few days before the baby arrives, relaxing, cleaning and enjoying the last few days of silence that I will ever have!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Just one more day?
Here I am January 16th, the day before my son's due date and still very pregnant. Every one I talked to thought that I would go early because my belly is so big (never say that to a pregnant lady by the way), but nope here I am almost to my due date. I am honestly at the point where I feel like I am going to have to be induced because NOTHING is happening on its own.
My ten year old sister Jett was guessing that the baby's birthday would be January 20th, the same as hers, and now I am thinking she was the closest all along. This little guy is in there for the long run, he is just super comfortable.
Maybe I am wrong but I am guessing its going to be at least another week possibly two until my Dr will induce me and that's when this little dude will arrive! Trying to hold on to that last little bit of patience that must be within me somewhere.
My ten year old sister Jett was guessing that the baby's birthday would be January 20th, the same as hers, and now I am thinking she was the closest all along. This little guy is in there for the long run, he is just super comfortable.
Maybe I am wrong but I am guessing its going to be at least another week possibly two until my Dr will induce me and that's when this little dude will arrive! Trying to hold on to that last little bit of patience that must be within me somewhere.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Giving In
I have come to the realization that this little man is going to make his appearance whenever he is ready and I need to be patient. From my last post you all know that I am not patient at all, so this is becoming increasingly difficult every day. But I am surrendering to the baby...
I have accepted the fact that this little man is not going to show up a single day earlier than he is ready no matter how much spicy food I eat or squats I do. The more I think about it the more I realize I don't want him to come until he is ready. He is staying in for a reason and I need to let him cook until he is ready. After all the most important thing to me is that our son comes out healthy, so I am going to let him and the doctors decide when the best time is.
The next several days or weeks until this little one arrives will consist of cuddle time with my husband and as much relaxation time as I can squeeze in. Once the baby arrives I know Ted and I won't have the time to just relax and enjoy each others company the way that we have been able to, so I want to enjoy that as much as possible before we officially become parents. We are ready for the little man to make his much anticipated appearance anytime now, but until then I am just going to relax and let things happen.
I have accepted the fact that this little man is not going to show up a single day earlier than he is ready no matter how much spicy food I eat or squats I do. The more I think about it the more I realize I don't want him to come until he is ready. He is staying in for a reason and I need to let him cook until he is ready. After all the most important thing to me is that our son comes out healthy, so I am going to let him and the doctors decide when the best time is.
The next several days or weeks until this little one arrives will consist of cuddle time with my husband and as much relaxation time as I can squeeze in. Once the baby arrives I know Ted and I won't have the time to just relax and enjoy each others company the way that we have been able to, so I want to enjoy that as much as possible before we officially become parents. We are ready for the little man to make his much anticipated appearance anytime now, but until then I am just going to relax and let things happen.
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